Hey Baby, What's your sign?

(Seductive Voice): So...how have you been lately?

I promise my lead in will make sense with what I'm saying. I still work from home on a regular basis and this coming Monday, I have a huge software integration going live. It's been a year long process and requires complete training of our 75ish recruiters across the country.

To make this easier, since I am the only trainer, I divided the group into six sessions, with the first session being at 1pm yesterday.

I found a babysitter for Daphne and at 12:00 was about to head out the door to drop her off when I got a phone call. One of the attendees called me and was like, "Where are you!? No one can get on the call!? It's the wrong number!".

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did swear. Just a tiny blue response to an hideously un-fun scenario. I had scheduled everything on the Eastern time zone rather than the central time zone so everything is an hour ahead. I unceremoniously dump Baby Girl into her crib because now I don't have time to take her to the sitter.

I rush to my desk and look at the call-in information that I sent out to everyone, "1-800!? What? It should be 1-866!"

I send out the new number and we eventually get started on our call.

After the training session, my vendor contact, who was on the phone with me called me to let me know how great of a job I did and stuff. At the end of the conversation he mentioned that the number I sent everyone to at first was a sex chat line.

What?

Yep, a sex chat line.

He was very nonchalant about the whole thing, just throwing that in there at the end of the call. I was shocked and then I blushed and then I busted out laughing. Full on belly laughs. I couldn't believe that I just sent a handful of recruiters to a sex chat line!

My professionalism is startling lacking some days...
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Top 10 Worst Fears

I have a list of top 10 worst fears, and I realized one of them today.

I was almost tearing up in the baby aisle of the grocery store at 7:00am this morning because a big one, definitely near the top of the list was happening at that very moment.

I had become a slobby mommy...

1. I lived in the suburbs.
2. I hadn't showered in the last two days and my hair was pulled back in a seriously greasy ponytail.
3. I had a head cold so I was fuzzy, my eyes were red rimmed and I was breathing though my mouth.
4. I was still wearing my pajama shirt and had thrown on the closest pair of jeans that I could find (translation: ill fitting and out of style) - I think I'm going to throw those pants out today.
5. I had my baby with me and she was still in her pjs.
6. I had on flip flops. It's like 35 degrees out.
7. ZERO make-up. Not even concealer.

The list can go on, but I'm too depressed to continue.
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There, I Said It.

POOP.

Yep. This is now an official "Mommy Blog" - deal. I realize that some of you who read this, may not want to anymore now that this is mostly about Baby Girl and all her goings on, but eventually, I will have a life again outside of her and then you are welcome to come back and read...

So, back to the afore mentioned word.

Baby Girl hasn't been. For a while. I tried prune juice and that worked at first, but then it stopped working. And then suddenly, this morning it started working again. Really working. I did not know her body could hold so much of anything for so long and then just let it all go with the only sign being a telltale smell.

As part of this lovely early morning experience, Baby Girl has graduated to size 2 diapers.
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4 Months

So, As you can see from the side bar, Baby Girl is 4 months old and DH is holding her. I tried unsucessfully all day to get her to pose for her 4 month shot by myself.

These are a few of my attempts. Not only am I quite the amature when it comes to my camera, but she's starting to wiggle and it make it difficult to keep the sign in place.








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Sad and Shaken

I took Baby Girl to the dr. today for her 4 month well check.

She's doing fine by the way, a little skinny, but we have a plan to remedy that. On our way home, we were hit by another car. No one one hurt (except for the subaru), but it was not a fun experience. It happened not 100yds. from my place, and the guy that hit me, lives down the street.

To make it worse, this guy's dad comes out and it yelling at his son like you wouldn't believe. Turns out his son had his license taken from the lagrange police and he was driving his dad's rental car.

?What?

Yeah - I wonder at peolpe sometimes. So his dad is trying to be all nice to me and get me to agree to let him fix my car without involving any insurance companies or police officers. To which I say, no dice.







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Halloween

I'm not big into the holidays. It's never really bothered me because I'm not big into costumes and I haven't really had a place that I liked enough to decorate.

But, alas, now I have a daughter and a husband, and I spend the majority of my time in my home, so I feel like I need to step it up.

As you may have noticed, Baby Girl is not in a super cute costume - she is in a super festive, and totally awesome Halloween outfit though. (This is how I make up for her lack of costuming). This outfit was graciously purchased by my mom. Because, knowing me as she does, it wouldn't occur to me to buy Baby Girl anything for Halloween.

So, DH has mentioned to me on more than one occasion how much he love fall decorations. I've finally taken the hint and bought a few things. I think they're all a little on the lame side - but that's why I don't decorate!



Anyway, they must be really lame because DH can't quit commenting on these word block things that I purchased that say "Harvest". He can't believe someone would use dark lettering on a darkly painted block because then you can't see it.

And, I'm all - really? I'm finally making an effort here to be more "festive" and you have to mock my attempts? Just wait until Christmas, buddy, it'll be bah-humbug for the rest of the year...
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Toot! Toot!

Not to toot my own horn or anything...

but sometimes I amaze myself.

Look at this thing.

It's not much, just a small, boxy little thermostat, and yet, it is further proof of my amazing skeelz.

That's right friends - I installed this all.by.my.self. No electrocution, no swearing, and only fifteen minutes of my day.

*proud sigh* toot toot

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AJ brings on the funny, yet again.

So AJ (who just got a job yesterday - congrats!) has enlightened us once again with his understanding of awesomely funny things.

Yesterday my family and I went to the Geauga County Fair. I don't remember going to a county fair that was SO 4-h ish. I mean, I get that 4-H is a large part of county fairs, but holy smokes! There were farm animals everywhere!! And my mom, like wanted to see all of them? Frankly, if you've seen one pig, you've seen them all - or so I thought. Apparently Mom needed to see the entire barn full of pigs, and then the entire barn full of sheep and we didn't even get to the goats and the cows.

So, before we even got into the barnyard shenanegans, we had to make it through the onslaught of vendor booths at the main gate. As we were walking around admiring the faux-designer sunglasses and opportunities for a free air conditioning estimate, we saw the shop of all shops. It had "native american" jewelry (most likely made by some wasp-y hick who's closest contact with native american culture was the Lone Ranger and Tonto) and a few home decor items along the same vein.

But then, on the back wall, all the way inside the booth was the piece de resistance...the mighty wolf t-shirt. The sheer awesomeness of such an item was astounding and, frankly, breath-taking.

Some of you may not understand the draw of such an item and so, as explanation, I would like you to click the link below. It will take you to Amazon.com where you can purchase such fabricated awesomenes, but focus please. You must read one or two of the 1,400+ reviews. Yes, 1,400+.

Trust me, you too will become a believer.


*link to amazon.com*
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I Love My Brother

I have four brothers. I think they are all great. They're funny and nice and really tall. Well - except for AJ, he's not so tall. :)

But, to make up for his miniscule height of 5'11", he is very funny. Like, inordinately funny. He also finds funny things on the internet that make us all laugh.

DH and Baby Girl and I drove out to Kirtland today to visit my family and since AJ is living with them while he looks for a job (he's a new graduate), we get to visit with him as well. Our first order of business, after admiring the severe cuteness of Baby Girl was to have him show us his most recent "funny finds".

So without further ado, enjoy this website...

**CLICK HERE**
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Ralph

Ah, Ralph.  With Baby Girls's obvious preference for your brand, I may single handedly keep you in business during this recession.

You make such beautiful clothing for my little baby. I have a tennis outfit of yours that I can't get enough of and then there is this lovely terry cloth ensemble with a matching hat. I even have a beautiful white onesie with the most delicate of lace along the peter pan collar. It's a little big for her yet, but will be perfect for this coming winter.

I simply cannot afford to look at your children's clothing line any longer, regardless of how Baby Girls feels about this. I have a future to plan for and you are seriously endangering that future!
 

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Catch Up

Ok. Time to catch up. This will most likely be a boring post.

It's been over a month since I last posted about life and I'd like to say that it's because I have been really busy, but let's be honest. I haven't really been all that busy.

Per my previous post, I just suck at time management with a new baby.

But, I digress, in the last month, DHand I made a monumental trip out to Utah. We drove.

It wasn't so bad. Baby Girls slept through just about the ENTIRE car ride (all 20 plus hours) and was an absolute trooper the whole time. We went out to see my awesome Sister-in-law and Brother-in-law get sealed to each other for time and all eternity. It was great to be out there and to be a part of such an important experience.

While we were there my SIL practiced some of her awesome photography skeelz on my baby. Baby Girl wasn't very cooperative, but I think there were some nice shots taken. I'll post those in the near future.

Really, that's been the highlight of the last month. I've taken Baby Girl on a few walks and even gone to the store a few times. She's mostly good natured as long as I don't mess wsith her schedule too much. :)
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2 Months

Baby Girl turned 2 months yesterday...

So I know it's been a while since I posted anything and I've got to be honest, this whole mothering thing is totally kicking my trash.

My entire professional life was task oriented and on schedule and then I go and have a baby. Did you know they have no discernable schedule until like 2.5 months after they're born? And even then it's not a good schedule!

But, since I'm now posting on my blog, maybe I'm starting to get the hang of it. Baby Girls has sort of figured out her nightly routine and there is now only one nightly feeding at about 3:30am. This I can handle. I'm actually getting a relatively normal amount of sleep in a relatively long block of time.

This is improving my outlook on life considerably.


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Puke-a-Saurus Rex

D3 learned a new trick.

Yep. The last few days D3 has become the queen of puke, or as I like to call her, "Puke-a-Saurus Rex" because she will spit up what seems like the entire contents of her stomach and then some.

I've been talking with my mom about this and it seems that it is very likely related to what I consume, so - what does that mean?

(Thunderous voice from the sky) NO...MORE...HAPPINESS...

For those in the know, that quote from Brian Regan is all I need to say, for the rest of you, this means I need to cut out dairy. I thought maybe it was just milk, like maybe cheese would be okay or something (I'm grasping at straws), so I had cheese on my taco last night. This resulted in Puke-a-saurus Rex making an appearing at her morning feeding.

So, moral of the story is no more dairy, and probably limited greens and even more limited amounts of chocolate. :(
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2 weeks

D3 is now two weeks old. And she hasn't died.

It's true, DH and I have made it through the first night home from the hospital, her first bath, her first doctor's appointment and now, her first road trip.

Earlier this week, we decided to drive out to see my parents at "the estate". My brother, his wife and their two kids were coming for a visit, and my brother who just graduated from Boise State is moving back this week. It's been fun because the only one missing is my brother who is still on a mission for our church.

All in all, it's been a great trip. I was able to see a few sites in the area and mostly just rest and recover more from surgery. We go back to the read world on Monday, and hopefully I'll be recovered enough to finally start putting my house back together. There are few things as discouraging as living in a partially unpacked house.

And now for the pictures. Because why does anyone read this blog except to see pictures?








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Introducing...

Introducing our newest family member, Darling Daughter Daphne Lynn. Here after known as D3.

We still don't have internet access at our new apartment (Yep, we moved this last weekend too) so I am just uploading a few photos that we have of D3. They aren't edited or cropped or anything so...enjoy! (Also, I uploaded them in reverse, so you will see her first bath before you see me in the hospital waiting, I know...lame.)


















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AWESOME

What NOT to say to when speaking during a conference call with the VP of HR and all the HR Directors for this company that I work for...

Some days, I amaze myself. I am often in charge of implementing major software and vendor contracts within our company and this most recent implementation was given to me last week. With a go live date of this Friday.

It's a little stressful because that's not a lot of time to get 75 users their log-in information, set up training modules that are company specific, alert the decision makers at each individual location, AND end relationships with the vendors that this new program replaces (It's seriously like breaking up with your High School boyfriend all over again. They're so needy and whiny!)

Anyhoo, the VP of HR for an entire division asked that I log in to their monthly call and talk about exactly what this new vendor will mean for them and how they will use this new vendor.

I get to talking about why we chose them, how streamlined the process is, how they are using technology to their advantage and providing much more accurate results than our other vendors, and then it happens...someone asks a question about paper forms that we "have" to use and I say it.

"...and that's why this vendor is so AWESOME."

Yep. I am solidly 10 years younger than the youngest person on that call and I basically tell everyone how young I am. It's great.

So much for professionalism.
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Holy Crap!

This link makes me want to go private and NEVER post another picture, and close my facebook page, and become a complete social networking recluse... Check it out here.

Also, have another Dr. appointment tonight. My last visit said she's already 7.5 pounds and doing well. She's dropped or lightened or whatever making it impossible to sleep or even walk for that matter. It's good times.

She's due in two weeks exactly and we are most likely moving in 3 weeks (exactly).

Awesome. I hope Dave likes moving all our junk by himself...
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Mother's Day

So, as I said in my pseudo-update, we spent Mother's day weekend with my parents in Kirtland.

I took my new camera. (After like 4 years of spanish, I ALWAYS want to spell camera with an extra "a" (i.e. camara), anyone else?)

We left early Friday morning, the 8th and drove straight through, and except for that wrong turn toward Akron, we totally would have been there early. :)

So - in typical familial fashion, we had a weekend full of food. Yum! To make up for my hideous lack of photos lately, I'm posting a handful here. Enjoy!













mmmmm....I love pancakes. We used the flat top again and dad bought a bacon press. Because seriously, how can you have a flat top grill and no bacon press? You can't. I'll just tell you.





These are from dinner that first night (so technically before the breakfast shots but whatever). We had grilled steaks, corn on the cob and some other random stuff that I can't remember we ate. Sorry - my memory is really going what with this whole baby thing.
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I Couldn't Do It...

I couldn't. I tried to make the hippie skirt/dress thing work.

I put on the skirt Sunday morning and I almost cried. The hippie shoes I bought weren't quite right and didn't hide the foot chubbiness, the skirt was this faded-screen printed mess and it didn't look right with the shirts that I had available.

I couldn't really sleep anyway, so I was up early. I take off my hippie clothes and I pull out my sewing machine. I had some fabric and a pattern and I proceeded to make myself as non-hippie of a maxi dress as I could.

I knew it would be a challenge and I had to be at church by 12:30 so I couldn't afford to make any mistakes.

3.5 hours later - I had a jersey knit, pseudo-maternity maxi dress. It was made of this yummy chocolate brown.

The only problem...? DH said I looked like a franciscan monk, and a pregnant one at that! (Try explaining that to the holy father)

Oh well, at least I wasn't a hippie!
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Some Realizations

I've recently come to some realizations.

1.) At 34.5 weeks gestation, my ankles are now "swollen". I put this in parenthesis because from a theoretical/physiological standpoint, I understand the concept of edema and how that would tie into pregnancy and what all that might mean.

I had NO idea it was going to look so grotesque. You see, friends, I dislike feet. They are, in general, ugly. Add ankles that are of varying, mismatched sizes throughout the day and you have a recipe for disaster.

2.) Maxi dresses make me look like a hippie. I have never in my life wanted to be associated with the whole "hippie" mentality. Give me a pencil skirt and stockings any day of the week.

To combat realization #1, I have purchased two maxi dresses. They are not actually meant as maternity wear, but considering my maternity options, I had no choice. The situation was dire. These newly purchased dresses will shortly become skirts as I remove the sorry excuse of a bandeau top and those laughably incapable spaghetti straps meant to keep everything covered. They will then be long enough to just graze the floor and keep eyes away from my ankles.

3.) I don't own any "hippie" shoes. I don't. My family in/from California would probably laugh at my horrendously buttoned-up wardrobe with blacks, whites and other random, bold, primary colors and my shoes match my wardrobe.

4.) I don't like diaper bags. Seriously, do they all have to come dipped in Teflon? I understand the practicality, but the style just SCREAMS mediocrity in most cases. I have decided that I will just buy those larger styled bags that normal people still use and then stuff it full of bottle holders and diapers and changing pads.

5.) I don't get to have small purses anymore. I've since purchased a seriously capable wallet, that can manage my entire life while riding along in my "non-diaper bag" diaper bag.
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